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User talk:Horrorstories666
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Look at the shadows page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 03:21, February 14, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:26, February 14, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:30, February 14, 2017 (UTC) RE: Story Both of your stories were below our quality standards. As it's late, I'll review the last story, just be aware that there is a lot of bleed over from both which lead to me deleting them upon review. I suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop (link above) if you plan on submitting another story as these are errors that would likely result in another story being deleted by a reviewing admin. Formatting issues: Your latest story was told in one paragraph with no breaking up to aid in story flow. You additionally have multiple speakers talking in the same paragraph which can muddle who's saying what and with what inflection. "“I'm blind. I need help.”, “Yes, it's pouring outside. Come shelter here for the night.”. It's common in all forms of literature to separate speakers to improve story flow. The descriptions are fairly generic: "The eyes had been cut out, and blood was dripping from the sockets.", "He opened it to a man wearing black robes and a black hood covering everything except for his mouth", etc. These really don't paint a vivid picture and since the premise has been covered a number of times before, it really weighs down the story. (Pointed out below.) Dialogue: A lot of the dialogue needs work. "“I'm blind. I need help.”, “Yes, it's pouring outside. Come shelter here for the night.”, "Those eyes weren’t good enough,” the man said, “I want yours.”", etc. These feel more like starting points for dialogue that will be fleshed out later in the story to make it more effective. The premise itself has been done a number of times (the one where an unstable person steals someone's eyes) with a lot more build-up. Stories like Those Eyes and a few others tell the story more effectively. This feels like it can be summed up in a few words: Blind man stays with family, blind man steals god's eyes, blind man then steals child's eyes; without really losing anything in the process. In the end, there are quite a lot of issues here and since a majority are tied to the story and not mechanical issues (although there are mechanical issues present in both stories), I decided the story was below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:49, February 14, 2017 (UTC) If you would like to know more about why your story was deleted feel free to drop me a message ChristianWallis (talk) 10:19, February 14, 2017 (UTC) Feedback To get more in-depth feedback post to the workshop but the gist of it is this. First, your story had major formatting issues. You should always check your post to make sure the story has been formatted correctly after posting. Second, your story lacked any creative or interesting language. You tell us the events of the plot rather than show them and there's no attempt to build atmosphere or to create a mood. Third, the events of the plot aren't particularly original or even interesting. A story can typically be split into things like character, plot, setting, themes and atmosphere. You have a plot and none of the others. I highly recommend you post to the workshop so future efforts can get more in-depth feedback. I'm sorry you had your story deleted but everyone here is committed to helping each other out and if you engage the community there you'll get much more detailed advice and help, and if you're persistent you'll eventually learn the skills necessary to improve ChristianWallis (talk) 10:48, February 14, 2017 (UTC)